Sexual Violence in School
Steps Teens Can Take to Protect Themselves
Never before has the act of going to school been more frightening.
In the wake of the Uvalde massacre, the nation continues to reel in despair over what feels like an unstoppable horror given the political stand-off over gun control. Recent reports indicate the number one cause of death for children, more than disease, more even than car accidents, is gun violence.
Of course, guns are not the only type of violence children have to manage at school. For middle school and high school students, the issue of safety becomes ever-more complex as students report an increase in sexual harassment and assault at school, and the Department of Education informs us teens are the demographic most at risk of assault by other teens.
It would be an insult to families who grieve the loss of their children to compare sexual violence to gun violence. One involves a loss of life, the ultimate devastation, and every parent’s worst nightmare.
What these two types of violence have in common, however, is that they are both happening in places of learning, where the assumption would be that children are safe.
Aside from location, all similarities between these two forms end. Gun violence involves very little prevention opportunity outside of security measures and of course, gun control. And we can never stop fighting for gun control.
Sexual violence is a completely different beast, because there is a myriad of thoughts, behaviors, action steps and tools that teenagers can use to lower risk. These action steps and thought forms apply to potential offenders and victims, both; for while it is never the victim’s fault when an assault takes place, teens deserve to know what to look for in an abusive relationship or a situation involving risk.
Here are some steps to share with teens involving two of our five Safety Tools in the Be Strong, Be Wise Course for Teens (https://www.bestrongbewise.com/programs-for-youth). Encouraging teens to develop ways to listen and trust their intuitive signals, as well as communicate those signals to others, is a skill that benefits all forms of relationship, especially the relationship with oneself.
Gut Instinct
Regularly check in with your low tone (calm, relaxed) and high tone (anxious or fearful) reactions. Build awareness of the types of people and situations that create a high tone response.
Tune in to your intuition with potential romantic partners. If they ever look uncomfortable during a sexual encounter, even just holding hands, verbally check in with them to make sure they are ok.
Trust your gut! If someone is making you uncomfortable, or invading your space, whether in-person or virtually, don’t question yourself, question whether you should trust that person.
Practice listening to your intuition and track how often it is taking care of you by giving you accurate signals.
Communication
Practice communicating your true feelings if someone you’re with makes an obnoxious sexual remark. Notice your internal signals and let them know it made you uncomfortable or ask what they meant by the statement.
Speaking up will accomplish three things: (1) you’ll build your assertive self-protection response (or righteous anger); (2) you’ll improve the awareness that your perceptions are correct; and (3) you’ll obtain information as to whether this person will respect your boundaries or not.
When communicating with romantic partners, make sure that both of you are equally comfortable engaging in sexual activity by verbally checking in with each other during every step of the process.