Teen Boys, Mental Health and the Rise of Sextortion
Each year, thousands of teens fall prey to blackmail, harassment, stolen personal information and sexual manipulation. The statistics on the issue of sextortion are so disturbing, we’re at risk of numbing out due to the fear and overwhelm we ourselves can feel. But we can’t numb out, not when there are so many practical steps we can take to address it.
We don’t always think about these realities; it’s just the way things are living in the digital age. But there are hundreds of thousands of individuals who think very strategically about the way that humans, especially young humans, use their devices.
No adult working with or parenting youth wants to hear that a request for a nude pic by a classmate is a mild form of sexual harassment compared with the alarming rise in sextortion cases. Though a relatively new term, sextortion is a type of cyber harassment that has a meaning all its own, warranting its own definition.
Understanding the Phenomenon: What is Sextortion?
Sextortion, sometimes known as "catfishing," is when someone is coerced into sending explicit images online and extorted for additional images or money. Young people are often targeted by someone they met online who obtained a sexual image from them through deceit, coercion, or some other method.
Similar to grooming behavior, an online predator will often appear friendly and harmless in order to manipulate young people to think of them as trustworthy. They may use excessive flattery, pretend to know someone the victim knows, offer a modeling contract, cryptocurrency or game credits. And they will often take on the identity of someone the victim sees as attractive. Perpetrators will steal images of another person and communicate with the victim through a fake account or multiple fake accounts. As a result, they will refuse to use their camera in order to avoid being identified.
What Parents Need to Know About the Sexting Scam Sweeping the Nation
Sextortion perpetrators will often blackmail victims to continue to send images, and/or money in order to avoid being exposed by having their pictures sent to friends, parents or the victim’s school. They might hack into various social media accounts to steal information about the victim or the victim’s friends. They might threaten to commit suicide if the victim doesn’t continue to send more pictures.
If a teen or young adult is acting differently- withdrawing into themselves, becoming more isolated, depressed or fearful, it may be that they’re experiencing cyber threat, blackmail and/or harassment, and don’t know how to talk about it.
Tuning in to these signs and addressing them compassionately and consistently, allows teens to feel supported as they identify healthy steps to take. Reminding teens that there are always steps to take, that the adults who care about them will support them at every turn, increases the likelihood that ongoing conversations will happen. The more conversations at home and at school, the greater the safety odds for every young person.
Focus on the Victim: Why Teen Boys?
Teen boys are often victimized by scammers pretending to be young, attractive women. The scam might start with the offender sending a provocative (stolen) image, then asking the victim to send a nude or semi-nude pic in return. When the victim sends the pic, the scammer will then either request more images or ask for money. Blackmail attempts can continue until victims like Ryan Stewart feel as though they have nowhere to turn:
“The scammer threatened to share the photo on social media if Ryan didn't send money. Fearing for his reputation, Ryan sent the money. Then, when the scammers demanded more money than Ryan could access, they urged him to end his life. In a note Ryan left behind, he described his embarrassment.” (Healthychildren.org)
Stories like Ryan’s are heartbreaking, and far too common. If we think about the type of fear and “embarrassment” generated in a young person who believes they placed themselves in a compromising position with no recourse available, it’s easy to imagine they might see suicide as the only option.
We are wise to remember that teens who are digital savvy are not necessarily scam savvy. The frightening irony of our times is that the people most at risk of these types of abuses, namely teens, are the people most likely to, unknowingly, invite them in.
The Alarming Statistics: The Rise in Sextortion Scams
On October 20, 2023, ABC News reporters Aude Soichet, Kevin Rochford, and Mack Mudolfsky covered the death of Jordan Demay, who took his life on March 25th, 2022. FBI Supervisory Special Agent, Mark Civiletto told the reporters there were over 7,000 reported sextortion cases against children in the U.S. in 2022.
"In my experience, in fact, I would think that number is well over 100,000 cases that have not been reported," Civiletto said. The FBI said that over 20 minors have committed suicide because of sextortion scams in the last few years.
According to the Department of Homeland Security, 79% of predators seek money more than additional explicit photos or videos. The sextortion victims were primarily teen boys; it was reported that more than a dozen had died by suicide. (Family Education)
Mental Health Implications of Sextortion Scams on Teen Boys
A terrifying and dehumanizing violation, sextortion feeds on victims’ shame. In the case of Jordan Demay, the attack began just six hours before his death, but was relentless and calculated. Pressuring Jordan non-stop and in increasingly damaging ways, minimized the likelihood that Jordan would tell his parents, or anyone, of what was happening.
"They kept pushing and pushing," John DeMay, Jordan's father, told reporters at ABC. "They were building collages with his compromised photo, with other photos of his friends and family and parents threatening to send it out to them and keep putting the pressure on them. They never gave him a single minute to think."
Teens who are victims of sextortion are at higher risk of anxiety and depression. The greater the isolation, the higher the risk. This is where adults have immeasurable impact in creating ongoing, consistent conversations with teens where an “open door” policy of communication is encouraged.
How to Talk with Your Teen About Sexting, Sextortion and Online Predators
In addition to checking in regularly with teens about the kinds of behavior they witness on their phones, families and schools can create ongoing dialogue where everyone is invited to share. Cyber boundaries apply to anyone, regardless of age. Every adult has experienced some form of boundary violation, if only through spam mail, and can offer ways to respond based on their own experience.
When a “join-up” occurs that includes everyone, and doesn’t focus solely on youth, there’s greater opportunity for connection and mutual support.
In the BSBW youth course, we teach teens how to identify and respond to grooming behavior online and off. With sextortion rates on the rise, these same tools assist teens who may get targeted by a predator any time they use their phone. Caring adults don’t need to live in fear but we do need to talk with teens about the steps they can take to ensure their own safety. The added benefit is that these steps apply to all areas of a teen’s life when it comes to exercising personal boundaries and authority.
Tips to Protect Your Teen from Sextortion Scams
Encourage your teen to:
Be suspicious if someone you meet on one platform wants to begin talking with you on another
Never send a compromising image of yourself
Never open an attachment from someone you don’t actually know.
Turn off all devices when not in use, including webcams since they can be hacked and activated remotely. Consider placing a sticky note or other covering over the webcam when you’re not using it.
Trust that there is an environment of trust and communication at home; there’s nothing they can’t share with you.
Not use passwords that are easy to guess.
Know that if they are being scammed, they are not alone. The offender has likely pursued other victims.
Know that sextortion is illegal, and there are steps to take to punish the offender.
Listen to your own stories of cyber scams and the ways that you recognized the scam and responded accordingly.
“Press the pause” button and listen to the red flag signals when something is uncomfortable. Adults who have had more practice, can assist teens in learning to trust their gut instinct.
Parents can also consider limiting their children’s internet use and spot-check their phones and other devices. It also may be worth considering a rule against devices in bedrooms overnight or shutting off Wi-Fi access after a certain time. Reviewing teenagers’ social media privacy settings and keeping accounts private can prevent predators from gathering their personal information.
When Prevention Fails: What to Do if Your Teen is Being Sextorted
How to Report a Sextortion Scam
The case of Gavin Guffey has drawn a great deal of attention to the dangers of sextortion. Gavin died by suicide at age 17 after being preyed upon online. His father, who is now a South Carolina state representative, pushed for a bill called "Gavin's Law." Under the bill, scammers can be sentenced to up to 20 years in prison if the victim of sextortion is a minor. It makes sextortion a felony offense and an aggravated felony offense if the victim is a minor. The bill also pushes for education on sextortion scams in school, which is a step towards awareness and prevention.
NCMEC (The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children) is the nation’s largest and most influential child protection organization leading the fight to protect children.
NCMEC’s CyberTipline (CyberTipline.org) gives the public and electronic service providers the ability to report suspected child sexual exploitation, including sextortion and online enticement. Its Team HOPE program connects families with peers who have had similar experiences and can offer compassion and teach coping skills. (ICE.Gov)
No adult should have to navigate the troubling world of cyber-safety alone. At Be Strong, Be Wise, we pride ourselves on staying up-to-date with current trends, as well as the risk factors most affecting teens. As a result, our courses are continually enhanced to address the rapidly changing landscape affecting our youth.
We invite you to partner with us in taking the necessary steps to offer a down-to-earth, comprehensive curriculum that meets young people where they’re at, and includes topics like cyber safety and sextortion prevention. To learn more about the impact we’re having on entire school communities, visit our home page.